Jennifer Aniston: 'What is this? Nipple Day? I'm in.'
Friday, August 1st, 2008
Suddenly, Jennifer Aniston’s nipple sonar went off: Somebody was popping nips and their name wasn’t Jennifer Aniston.
“I’ll see about this,” Jennifer said. She quickly turned to her assistant. “Ice me.”
“But, miss-”
“I SAID, ‘ICE ME!’”
Several cold seconds later, Jennifer Aniston’s nipples were primed like rockets in a missile silo. She motioned for her driver to stop near a pack of paparazzi. Jessica Alba, Rihanna: a day of reckoning is upon thee.
Jennifer Aniston exited the vehicle and immediately began pointing at objects with almost laser-guided precision. Inside her head a maniacal, yet genius, monologue ensued:
“Is that a rock? Now it’s a rock being pointed at by my nipples. What are you drinking? A latte? Now it’s a latte being pointed at by my nipples. Say, is that a bird?”

