Archive for August 1st, 2008

Jennifer Aniston: 'What is this? Nipple Day? I'm in.'

Friday, August 1st, 2008

Suddenly, Jennifer Aniston’s nipple sonar went off: Somebody was popping nips and their name wasn’t Jennifer Aniston.

“I’ll see about this,” Jennifer said. She quickly turned to her assistant. “Ice me.”

“But, miss-”

“I SAID, ‘ICE ME!’”

Several cold seconds later, Jennifer Aniston’s nipples were primed like rockets in a missile silo. She motioned for her driver to stop near a pack of paparazzi. Jessica Alba, Rihanna: a day of reckoning is upon thee.

Jennifer Aniston exited the vehicle and immediately began pointing at objects with almost laser-guided precision. Inside her head a maniacal, yet genius, monologue ensued:

“Is that a rock? Now it’s a rock being pointed at by my nipples. What are you drinking? A latte? Now it’s a latte being pointed at by my nipples. Say, is that a bird?”

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Rihanna + see-through shirt = I think that's a nipple, maybe…

Friday, August 1st, 2008

Rihanna hit the clubs last night in New York City and apparently decided to fly sans bra. These pics might be considered LSFW depending on your boss’ vision. If he clearly sees nipples, that man’s in the wrong line of work and should be a goddamn Army sniper. I’ve been staring at these things for hours like it’s a Magic Eye picture. So far all I’ve seen is a tugboat, two polar bears kissing and Edgar Winter.

Britney Spears' dad remains in control until New Year's

Friday, August 1st, 2008

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Jamie Spears will continue his conservatorship of Britney until the end of the year. The commissioner extended Jamie’s control of Britney′s estate during a hearing this afternoon, but left it open to early termination. (Read: Once Britney can put on her clothes like a big girl, she gets her bank account back.) E! Online reports:

“Regarding the conservatorship of the person, I understand that Ms. Spears is reluctantly agreeing to extend those letters,” Goetz said. “We are extending them until Dec. 31, 2008.”
A status hearing for the extended order has been set for Oct. 28.

My sources tell me Britney’s reluctance was easily won over when her dad promised her a pony. Except after the hearing he said “Just kidding” and took her to the dentist.

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Britney Spears wants Sam Lutfi to stay the hell away

Friday, August 1st, 2008

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Hey, remember this guy? Sam Lutfi a.k.a. Douchebeard McDrugYourDrinks. Well, it turns out the restraining order requiring him to stay 250 yards away from Britney Spears expires today. The order will not be renewed, but Britney’s lawyer issued the following public statement to Douchebeard letting him know what the fuck’s up. The AP reports:

“Britney has made clear to everyone that she does not want to be further harassed or contacted in any way by Osama ‘Sam′ Lutfi, now or at anytime in the future,” Spears’ attorney Samuel D. Ingham III said in a statement to The Associated Press.
“During the temporary conservatorship, the conservators have the power to insure that Lutfi will not harm Britney anymore. If Mr. Lutfi makes any future attempt to contact Britney after the temporary conservatorship has concluded, Britney has made clear she will take all appropriate legal action.”

Did Britney really make it clear she’ll “take all appropriate legal action”? I doubt she knows what one of those words even mean. Here’s a more likely scenario: “If Mr. Lutfi attempts to contact Britney, Britney will take actions including, but not limited to, sticking a bucket of KFC over her head then running into a wall. Britney also reserves the right to say ‘Whoop whoop whoop whoop!’ prior to impact.”

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The Derivation of Phnom Penh

Friday, August 1st, 2008

Phnom Penh’s name derived from the name of a wealthy widowed woman called “Daun Penh” and the origin of the city name transformed around a temple of five Buddha statues located in the center of t he city. Now it has become the most developed city in the country providing elegant accommodation facilities consisting of luxury Cambodia hotels and many other tourist attractions.

Family Vacation Planning

Friday, August 1st, 2008

Gas prices on the rise and the unemployment rate is climbing, so the family vacation is more critical than ever. This article will help ensure you don′t miss your vacation this year.

Vacation Travel Tips - Tips For Safely Carrying Money and Avoiding Pickpockets

Friday, August 1st, 2008

Planning a vacation? Pickpockets are much more prevalent than you think! You need a safe way to access your money and carry it around with you without getting robbed. Here are some tips to holding onto your cash while on vacation.

Traveling is Good For Your Health

Friday, August 1st, 2008

Traveling and vacationing has always been about fun. Personal fun or family fun. But did you know that vacationing and travel can also help you with your health?

A-Rod to Cynthia Rodriguez: Remember that prenup you signed…

Friday, August 1st, 2008

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New York Yankee Alex “A-Rod” Rodriguez’s lawyers responded to Cynthia Rodriguez’s divorce petition today. Cynthia was asking for “the couple’s $12 million waterfront estate and ‘equitable distribution’ of all assets acquired during the marriage.” Except she signed a prenup which A-Rod is sticking to. He’s also pushing to have allegations of extramarital affairs stricken from the record because Florida is a no-fault divorce state making the claims “immaterial and impertinent.” Also, he doesn’t want it legally documented that he banged Madonna. NY Daily News reports:

Rodriguez, whose 10-year, $275 million contract with the Yankees makes him baseball’s highest-paid player, says several times in the response he wants the prenup enforced.
“Husband denies any duty to support wife beyond those obligations specifically set out in the parties’ prenuptial agreement,” the papers say. What those terms are wasn’t immediately known, but apparently they don’t suit Cynthia. If he has to go to court to fight her challenge to the prenup and wins, he says he’s entitled to recover from his wife any “reasonable attorney’s fees and costs” he incurs.

It sounds like A-Rod doesn’t fuck around. Not counting all those strippers and the Crypt Keeper.

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Jessica Alba indicates the turkey has reached its proper temperature

Friday, August 1st, 2008

Here’s Jessica Alba out and about yesterday rocking a chest that says “Yes, I did recently squeeze a tiny person out of my pelvis. Thank you for asking.” Which, honestly, almost made me consider Jessica Alba a captivating individual. Keyword being: Almost.